Parents of children with special needs are often faced with making difficult decisions: What type of a school should my child attend, should we try this new medical procedure, should we take advantage of specialized training even though it is far from home? The reason some of these decisions are so difficult is that these decisions are quite unique to each individual family … and of course there aren’t guidebooks specific to each decision.
For us, a big decision was, “Do we allow Mary to enter a group home living situation?”. Mary lived at home with us until her mid 20’s. Although Mary has limited cognitive abilities, we think she was totally aware that she was the oldest sibling. When her younger siblings started to move on to school and college, she seemed to want to become more independent as well. It seemed like she didn’t necessarily want to always hang out with just Mom and Dad (as fun as we might be!). The opportunity came for Mary to become part of a Christian residential community about 15-20 minutes from our home. She currently lives in a home with two other individuals and has Direct Care/supervision 24/7. She is part of a larger community (27 homes) and this affords her a lot of social interaction and friendships. We wish she could tell us directly (Mary is non-verbal), but from her demeanor, we think she is quite happy there. We see her at least weekly and she spends most of her holidays with us. To make this decision, we spent a lot of time praying and talking with other parents and professionals. It also was important to us that we were part of this decision and to not have it to be a crisis for Mary, if something happened to one or both of us. Although we think it was the right decision for Mary and us, it still was a very difficult decision.
Not everyone agreed with our decision, which is understandable. Perhaps the group that seemed to be the most critical were other parents of children who have special needs. Many of these parents made a point to tell us that “they never could have done that to their child”. Although we felt Mary’s moving to a group home was something done for her, not to her, we do understand that not everyone will come to the same conclusion—which is the point of this blog. Not everyone will make the same decision, because each situation is unique. As parents, you will from time to time have to make difficult decisions. We encourage you to pray about it (a lot), research it as much as you can, talk to professionals and to other individuals who have been in similar circumstances. Most importantly, talk everything through with your spouse and listen to each other’s concerns. Together, do what is best for your child and your family. If you have done all of this, trust your instincts as parents and confidently go forward with your decision.
