“Lord, I can’t do this!”

“Lord, I can’t do this!”.  I don’t know how many times I have stood in my kitchen (or bedroom, or wherever) and have uttered these words.  Perhaps it was when Mary had a meltdown in public or I had to clean up a mess she had made or when someone said something hurtful or dismissive to her. I’m sure that sometimes, it was just an emotional reaction to something I didn’t want to do.  But there were times when it was a literal statement, “This is beyond me, Lord. I can’t do this!” Have you ever felt that way?

Two of my favorite characters in the Old Testament – and probably two that you have never heard of, are Bezalel and Oholiab. (I can’t say I know too many individuals named Bezalel and Oholiab!)  What I love about these 2 guys is that God gave them their ability to build the Tabernacle at the time they were building it. They weren’t picked by God for this assignment because they already had all of the skills necessary to complete the task.  God picked them and then gave them the ability: “So, Bezalel [and] Oholiab, to whom the Lord has given skill and ability to know how to carry out all the work of constructing the sanctuary…(Exodus 36:1)”. Bezalel and Oholiab just had to be “willing to come and do the work” (Ex 36:2).  This is an example of God “equipping the called, not calling the equipped”. I can’t say that parenting a child with special needs is necessarily a calling, but I do think of it as an “assignment” from God. I do see it as something God is asking us to do.

Our assignment of raising a child with special needs can be difficult.  People often would suggest that God gave us Mary because He knew we could handle it. Our reply is often that we believe God gave us Mary because He knew we couldn’t handle it without relying on Him.  And part of relying on Him was to trust that He would somehow and in due time give us the strength, wisdom and ability to raise her. It doesn’t say in scripture if B & O were given the ability immediately or overtime, but I would guess that they too had their fair share of times when they wondered if they were up to the task.

Mary is 33 and we still can feel like we don’t have the skills or abilities necessary to make decisions on her behalf.  But as we look back, we have seen our growth in our ability to handle issues and have recalled times when God gave us what we needed to do the work He gave us to do.

I’m not saying that I want my grandkids to be given the names Bezalel or Oholiab, but I do like these guys.  I like them because they give me hope that God will also give me the ability to parent Mary, when I need it.